On the evening of October 28, I started to have a few dull cramps, but the pain diminished if I would lay down. I went to sleep and woke up the next morning at 4:00 A.M. to get ready for work. Something told me things were not going to be okay, so I dropped to my knees and prayed that God would help me. I went to work at 5:00, and the pain was getting worse by the minute. At 5:30, I called my doctor and told him that the pain was getting unbearable and that I was still bleeding. He asked me to meet him at the emergency room. I left work after I called my husband and let him know to just stay home and take care of our daughter (after all, I was just being a hypochondriac-there was nothing wrong, right?) and that I would call him after I saw the doctor. The ER nurses were okay, and even tried to make me feel better by saying maybe it was just a urinary tract infection. They came in to do my ultrasound at about 7:00 A.M.
While the technician did the ultrasound, the doctor stood right next to her and they kept the screen faced away from me. They did a lot of whispering. This was when I knew I was going to lose my baby. My doctor explained to me that my baby was in my right tube and that there was no sign of a sac in my uterus. Actually, he kept referring to the baby as "the pregnancy". I guess this was supposed to help me, but it didn't. I was supposed to be six weeks pregnant, but my HCG level was only 366, which he said was way too low. He wheeled me back to my room in the ER and explained that he would need to perform laser surgery to remove "the pregnancy" and probably part of my tube, depending on the damage. He said they could see free flowing fluid in my stomach which meant I was bleeding internally, so they needed to do it right then to prevent any further damage. I held my emotions together really well and asked if I could make a few phone calls first. I called my husband and burst into tears as soon as I heard his voice. Then I called my Mom and told her to come, too. My husband took our daughter to preschool and came right to the hospital. Within an hour or so, they prepped me for surgery and took me in. I remember crying a lot and all the nurses looking at me like they didn't know what to say.
When I woke up I was in a lot of pain, so the nurse gave me lots of morphine, which (thankfully) numbed my mental state, too. I wanted to know about my tube, and the doctor said he had removed part of it, but there was some of it left and my whole left tube was intact, so that I could start trying to have a baby again in 2 months. The emotional strain of losing the baby was awful and I thought I wouldn't want to try again, but on January 3, 2002 we found out we were pregnant again. Wow, so fast! But, there was that spotting again. I went for HCG levels every other day for a week, and on the 8th day I had a miscarriage (this time just cramping, heavy bleeding and big clots). I was only 2 and a half weeks pregnant when I lost the second baby.
It has been almost 3 weeks since that happened and my mind is still numb from the unbearable emotional pain. I am back on birth control and do not know when or if we will try again. I thank God for my little girl-that she's healthy and happy. But I am aching for my two little angels, who are in heaven right now. I know I'll get to see them again some day.