Tracy's Story 

Let me introduce myself, my name is Tracy and I'm 29 years old. My husband Tim and I have been riding the infertility roller coaster for over a year now. I spend quite a bit of time 'surfing ' the internet for information and research on our 'problem'. Today I found your site. As I was reading, I was brought to tears on several occasions. But first let me congratulate you. How proud you must be.

My husband and I dated for several years before we got married. We knew once we did, we would want children right away. We married in August, 1998. I was still on the pill. Tim changed jobs right after we got back from our honeymoon and we knew we had to wait until his new health insurance started before getting pregnant. In the meantime, I stopped taking the pill, started prenatals, began walking and mostly, thinking about our new family to come. We started trying in February 1999.

We hit it right the first month. On March 31, I was six days late.  I took my first EPT-it was faint-so faint that I went out and bought two more. All faint, but I was sure I was. I had been experiencing afternoon sickness for about a week. On Friday, I had my blood done. On Saturday my doctor called with the news. I was scheduled to see her the following Wednesday. On Monday, I started bleeding. That day was devastating. I was 6-7 weeks, early for sure, but like you wrote in your story, we had already started hoping and worrying for the future of that child. I was instructed to go to the ER because my GYN was afraid that the pregnancy may have been ectopic.

The emergency room doctor was, luckily a female, very sweet and tried to explain things. The sonogram showed no pregnancy in my uterus and because my HCG levels were at 0 she was confident that the pregnancy, ectopic or not, was gone from my body. Things after that get sorta confusing. Before the pregnancy, I saw a GYN who shared an office with an OB, who had just left the practice. No one thought we'd get pregnant so quickly.  After the miscarriage, I was referred to an OB who I thought was difficult to talk to, so on family referral, I started seeing a different one. She seemed supportive at first, did an internal exam in her office and tried to comfort me with statistics. She couldn't or wouldn't explain the dramatic drop in HCG or even investigate to find out if it could have been tubal.

Over the next few months, Tim and I continued to try each month, watched our days, eventually BBTing it. I was continually plagued by pain on my left side, especially around ovulation. Terrible deep pains. And, I'm embarrassed to say, an unusual smell. Several times I went to her office only to be placated and sent home. In November 1999, I was five days late, an EPT was negative, and the pain kept increasing. She sent me to the emergency room and again I was poked and prodded. The hospital doctor could find no pregnancy, my HCG was 0, but he said I had fluid indicating a burst cyst. I returned to my doctors office, only to be told again to be patient and stop worrying. I found another doctor.

At this point, I know I was upset. I am not a stupid woman, college educated, my roommates from school are doctors, pharmacists, EMS workers and Social workers. My college boyfriend is a pharmacist and we dated throughout pharmacy school. I understand the way my body works and I can tell when there is a problem. I won't be dismissed. So I went to my new and current doctor with this attitude. She has been wonderful and I think she has doubts if the last one did everything correctly. She began running tests and for 3 months I have given my share of blood and tissue for the cause. Why do the guys get the fun infertility tests and all mine involve pain? Finally, on May 17, she performed an HSG. It turns out that my left tube was blocked. As I endured immeasurable pain, she and the radiologist pumped me with dye until the tube 'popped' open. The right side ran free from the start. Later in her office, we talked about the past year, I think that she is speculating that based on the evidence it is "possible" (I make her speculate, I don't think she likes doing it) that my first pregnancy may have been ectopic and as it tried to pass it either became debris, or at least some cells may have and clogged that tube. That would explain why my side was sore since the miscarriage. Anyway, whatever the reason, the pain on my left side has subsided. The odor is gone and cross your fingers hopefully we can become pregnant naturally.

The thing that amazes me maybe the most, is that I don't think a lot of doctors have any idea how to care for a couple in our situation. My current doctor experienced infertility herself, so she has had the tests and the disappointments. She now has several children and she credits a doctor who took her seriously. I believe that's why she is so aggressive. The other thing that amazes me is how close my husband and I have become. So many accounts I've read talk about the stress breaking up the marriage. I know that Tim has experienced the same fears and disappointments-maybe not physical pain, but definately sympathy pains, the same as I. He has asked to be in the room for every procedure and has always made an effort to go to regular appointments with me. He's my hero through this.

Looks like I've written a lot.  That's odd, because up till now I have stayed away from the online support groups and I haven't posted anything anywhere. But I was touched by your story, it made me feel connected, even if the problems aren't the same, the feelings are similar. The nobility of the cause, the desire to be a parent, is a worthy and honest pursuit. When I had my miscarriage I received immediate support, eventually it passed, people assumed I had forgotten. But you never do forget. Even for the brief time I knew I was pregnant, the wonderfulness of it was overwhelming. It is comforting to know that others have shared the bad parts and gone on the be successful. Thank you for your story.