Unlike the other women who have posted their stories on here, I feel mine is very different for one reason that may sound strange: I am actually grateful that I had this awful complication. Let me explain...

At age 16 I was a chubby, shy teen who had never had a boyfriend. Finally I was "asked out" by a boy at school who seemed very nice. I was ecstatic. Everything was great, but within a couple months he began making little comments or jokes here and there about my weight, and also commenting often about thin, beautiful actresses on tv- this was very hard for a teen who already had low self esteem. I started dieting, but wasn't losing much weight, and definitely not as fast as I wanted. I became anorexic shortly after. He actually encouraged my eating disorder behaviors. Months down the road the emotional abuse got much worse, and then the physical abuse followed. I know I should not have stayed and everyone reading this probably is thinking how stupid I must be, but there were plenty of factors that kept me with him for the following 2 years (of course none of which were valid reason to put up with this, but at the time I did not want to realize this). Six months after becoming anorexic, I turned bulimic (making myself vomit).

Finally two years later, I dumped this piece of trash when I found out that on top of the abuse, he also had been cheating on me with basically anything that walked throughout the entire relationship. It was very hard to do, but luckily I was able to finally make myself stick with my decision (I had tried countless times before, but he always sweet talked me into taking him back).

Well this is where the story changes, and why I am even on this site. Within a few days of the breakup, I started bleeding. It was about a week before my period was supposed to start, so I just assumed it had started early because of all the severe stress. However, I began feeling pretty strange- just generally weak, a little dizzy, etc., and started having a odd pain in my left side. I was a typical 18 yr old- I did not know much about the female body or even what a tubal pregnancy was.

My periods usually lasted 4-5 days... so when this bleeding was past this I got worried. I snuck out of the house (still lived with my parents) and said I was going to a movie, but I went and bought a pregnancy test. I actually had to do it in a McDonald's bathroom because I did not want my parents to find any trace of the test at home. I was horrified to see a positive result. I just went numb from head to toe... I could not believe that on top of everything else I had dealt with, I now had part of this evil monster inside of my body.

That night I collected myself and went home, and quickly went to bed- telling my parents I was "sick" and needed to rest. I was laying in bed when I finally started realizing that I needed medical attention asap to find out what this bleeding and pain was all about- I didn't know much, but I did know that a normal pregnancy should not have so much bleeding and pain. I mustered up the courage to tell my mother, which was extremely hard. We were pretty close but I did not want to disappoint her. She also had an anxiety disorder that I did not want to make even worse. However, she was much better about it than I thought she would be and immediately took me to the hospital.

We saw a OBGYN who I disliked from the start but did not yet know why. We lived in a tiny town and he was our only option, other than driving 35 miles to a nearby small city but it was snowing heavily all that week and we did not dare make the drive. Well this doctor gave me another test, which was positive. He diddled around for a week, rechecking my blood levels and such. Finally the weather was better and we were able to drive to a great clinic in that nearby city.

When I got to this clinic, the first thing they did (that this fool had never done) was a ultrasound... which is when they discovered a tubal in my left tube. They said it was too far along to do anything other than immediate surgery and rushed me to the hospital down the street.

Just my luck, all the operating rooms were in use so I had to lay in a bed and wait for one to open. It was then that the tube ruptured. The pain was like nothing I could have ever prepared for. The next thing I know I was on a morphine "high" and on my way to the OR, where I later heard it was one of the worst ruptured tube cases they had ever seen. I had massive internal bleeding and if that wasn't bad enough, I had a complication with the anesthesia and stopped breathing.

I next remembered waking up in severe pain in a recovery room, absolutely terrified and hysterical. I could not believe what had unfolded in the last 7 hours and actually wished I was dead.

The recovery was pure hell- I had 3 incisions (naval, left abdomen and a lower right incision rt above the hair line) and my body was not handling everything well, probably due to the poor state it was in originally from the eating disorder and very poor nutrition. If this wasn't bad enough, I "accidentally" found out through an acquaintance that the very same night I lay on the operating table fighting for life, my ex was right down the street less than a mile away at a high school cheerleading competition looking for girls. To say I hate this monster would obviously be the understatement of the year.

Now that I am older and wiser (23), I can actually see that this tubal pregnancy was a blessing in a major disguise. If anyone had tried to tell me that at the time I probably would've just about punched them, but it is now obvious the reason that God let this tubal happen- so that I did not have to make a huge choice at that age and time. I do not know how on earth I could have even tried to carry the fetus to term had this not happened- I only say that because it was another part of this demon that I did not want in my life. I also was in no shape physically to have a child at that time- I was underweight, severely under nourished, I had an extremely low immune system, was suffering from depression and had to be on very high doses of medication for it, was struggling with alcohol, etc... I hate to think what would have happened to me or the fetus. At the same time however, I do not know if I could have gone through with an abortion. I now feel lucky that I did not have to make any decision- God made it for me. Yes the tubal was pure hell (as you all can attest to) but it was for the best at that time.

I would like to give my deepest sympathy to anyone reading this who had a tubal but had planned on the child and had to deal with the loss of the baby. Luckily I did not have to experience this particular emotion, but feel awful for those of you who have.

Well in case anyone is curious (or just plain nosy like me, lol) I am doing great now. I am still struggling with the bulimia at times, but have made a huge amount of progress. The depression is also much better, I was able to slowly go off the meds recently. I recently got married to a very wonderful man who is the total opposite of my ex. Someday we will probably try to have kids but not for a long time. I have a great job that I love (caregiver to a disabled woman) and I am doing better than I have since I was a child. Just proof that there's nothing like motherly lessons, when she said "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". How true.