It has taken me seven months to write this.  I was going to do it when it first happened, but found it hurt too much and was too hard. So, as I near what would be my due date, I feel I must do this to put it down on paper (so to speak).  My husband Louis and I were finally married on November 25th.  I was on the mini-pill (I was breastfeeding twins) at the time, which I knew usually stopped ovulation.  If it did not stop ovulation it would make the uterus lining thin and unsustainable for an embryo to implant.  Pity it was the same situation with my tube.

We went on our honeymoon and I got a little sick from the Balinese food. I came back feeling fine. Two days after I arrived back, I got my period.  It was 1 week early.  Very light, with no cramping. We settled into married life, but I hadn't felt "right" since we returned from our honeymoon.  I was convinced I had caught some horrible tropical disease in Bali. I was irritable and I feel so constipated.  I had constant bowel pressure, so I started eating a lot of fruit.  It didn't help. Then I was convinced I had a some sort of bowel disease.

I got another period 2 weeks after the last one. The pain I get is so bad that I was doubled over.  I assumed it was just a bad period. Then, all of a sudden I notice my nipples are sensitive, I can hardly drink alcohol on New Year's Eve, and I have put on weight. A week later, I feel so nauseous and dizzy.  I kept telling myself that I felt pregnant, but couldn't be because I had just had a period. On January 4, I got another period.  It lasted for three days and was very painful. On Monday, January 8, I take my daughter Beth (who was 4.5 at the time) to daycare.  I am standing there when I get the worst pain in my pelvis--it crept up and hit me.  I began walking back, and I can hardly walk.  My vision is blurry, but I kept going.  I felt like I was going to pass out, so I stopped.

My neighbor saw me and told me that I didn't look well, so she drove me home.  I felt cold, was sweating.  I could hardly get up the stairs, and when I fell on the bed all I could do was get in the fetal position.  I was in agony. I fell asleep and an hour later I woke up and had some ibuprofen.  I am still so unwell. I got though the day but the nagging pain just came on and off all day and night.  I woke up Tuesday, January 9, and could not get up.  I felt sick and was in a lot more pain. I walked to the kitchen where I realized that I had to lie down . I called out to Louis and told him that the pain was so bad!  I vomited a bit and I was sweating, but still cold.  Louis asked me if it  was bad enough to call the ambulance.  I said, "Yes".

They came and my poor little girls were crying as I left. In the ambulance, I asked for painkillers but they told me that if they gave me anything the doctors at the hospital wouldn't know where the pain was. By this time, I am convinced I am dying for sure. I get into the hospital and at first they think nothing of me.  They just lay me down.  I finally saw a doctor after 15 minutes and I was told to do a wee because they suspected a kidney infection.  That came up negative, so the doctor asked me if I could be pregnant.  I said, "No way.  I had my period twice." She suggested an HCG.  Guess what? I was pregnant.  For the first 10 minutes I was over the moon-a baby conceived on our wedding night!  What could be more romantic?

She told me that she must do an internal.  My cervix was closed, but very sore to touch. She then told me she suspected an ectopic.  They told me they would measure my HCG levels at 8 weeks gestation (which is how pregnant they thought I was), and that they would give me an ultrasound. I lay there waiting to hear anything, praying to God that this baby was in my uterus. Louis arrived and I told him.  He was shocked and worried. A few minutes later, they came and took the blood.  They gave me a HUGE drip and morphine for the pain.  They wheeled me into acute and put me on a heart monitor. I began to feel scared.

I had one nurse with me all the time, and my blood pressure was being taken every 5 minutes. I heard whispering about what was going on and they checked my tummy (which was now very bloated). I was told nothing.  We waited there-me trying to make jokes because I was scared witless.  When the doctor told me we had to act quick because I was going tacachardic and my blood pressure was dropping. They wheeled me into ultrasound where my blood pressure dropped to 90/30 . They told me they would like to get me up to surgery because they believed it was an ectopic pregnancy and that it had ruptured.  They decided to do the ultrasound all I was told is that they saw dark "pools", but no baby in my uterus.  They couldn't see my tubes though. I was wheeled back into emergency where I was told I have very low HCG level for how pregnant I should have been.

Louis walked with me as I was am being wheeled to the labor ward, where I heard babies crying. I was too weak and drugged to care. I signed a consent form to say they could do what they needed to save me (c-section, hysterectomy, take my tube, ovaries, whatever). Next thing I knew, I am meeting a surgeon.  They all tried to explain, but I was too out of it to care by then. Louis was almost in tears as they wheeled me away-into the cold operating theatre. I was moved onto the operating table where I experienced awful pain in my collar bone.  I could hardly breathe, because of it.  They were trying to put me under, but I couldn't breath.  They gave me a shot of something, and the pain slowly started going.  I started breathing through the mask. I had doctors and nurse all around me talking so loud I couldn't breathe though the mask I was freaking out, then blackness...

Next thing I heard is, "She is coming to.  Are you in pain? What could you rate the pain as?" Out of 10, I said 10. I fell in and out of consciousness then finally woke when I found the pain manageable. I remembered where I was and what had just happened.  I looked down and before I lifted my horrible hospital gown, I prayed for the best.  All I could see was three tiny scars and a tube coming out of me, draining my blood that I have been losing. I asked the Doctor what happened and he told me that I had a very large fetus inside me that had ruptured my right tube. They were unable to save that tube but I still had everything left. The only problem was that I had lost 1.5 litres of blood and they thought I might need a transfusion.  I told them I would prefer not to but if I needed it, I would have it.

My poor husband was not told a thing, and I had been gone for 4 hours.  He peeked into the recovery room and was overjoyed to see me there. My sister (who is a nurse) overheard the doctors telling the nurse looking after me that they had almost lost me on the table and that it was still very touch.  My sister was terrified. I was finally moved back to the ward and blood was taken.  My blood was way too low and once again, I was going tacachardic.  They feared that if they did not transfuse me, my organs might shut down. So after Louis was gone, in the middle of the night, I had 2 blood transfusions. I had never felt so alone or scared.

The next morning I woke feeling about 60% better.  Louis came in and the doctors told us that my other tube was fine and I could start trying again after three cycles. I spent two days there and before I left the hospital, the staff told me they hoped to see me in 12 months-pregnant again.  We left and began the long painful road to recovery.

sinelouis@powerup.com.au