I found out that I was pregnant in the middle of March 2001. We already have a daughter, age 20 months, and weren't planning to get pregnant again so soon, but we were happy anyway. Looking back now, I can see some of the signs, but didn't know to look for them at the time. I took several home tests, which came out negative. But I felt sick, and I remembered the exact "pregnancy feeling" from my first child. So, I made the doctor's appointment. He could also barely get a positive test, but told me that that probably just meant that it was really early. I had had a bright line on my test with my daughter the first day of my missed period, so I thought it was strange to not get one again, but still I didn't think much of it. He said that my uterus was just slightly enlarged and sent me home with a supply of pre-natal vitamins and other "new mom" paraphanelia. I was thrilled. That was Wednesday, March 21st.
On the 25th, we got on a plane to fly to Las Vegas (we live in PA) My husband's only sibling was getting married there. She had chosen our daughter to be her flower girl. We got there late Sunday night, and toured the town all day Monday. For the first time in a while, I really didn't feel nauseous. I took breaks during the day so I wouldn't over do it, but I felt pretty good. I did however, have some troubles that had me in the bathroom frequently with diarrhea. I had some cramping, but I thought that the muscles were just tense from that. That night my friend Kate that was there with us rented a convertible, and she and I had a girl's night out. We drove the strip with the top down, and the wind in our hair. I felt so free and alive, so happy. I looked up at the stars and thanked God for a beautiful day. I am still grateful that I had that one really nice day in Nevada.
The next morning I woke up at 5 A.M. I went to the bathroom, and discovered that I was bleeding. It stopped as soon as it started, but I had cramping. I called my doctor's back home, and they told us to go to the ER. We went to a hospital, which we ended up at by mistake, since we had directions to two other hospitals, but couldn't find them. A police officer directed us to another hospital. We saw the white cross on the front of the building and knew that we were in the right place. I was in the ER, then triage for a bit. Then they took me somewhere else, I guess the inside of the ER, into a curtained area. I was there around 6:30 or 7 A.M. I was having cramping pain all this time. It eventually moved to just on my right side. From there it is a blur of tests. They took blood. They put in a foley so they could fill my bladder to do an ultrasound. That was excruciating. The ultrasound lasted forever. The tech didn't look at me the whole time. I kept looking at the screen, but I couldn't tell what she was seeing. She finally said that she need to do an internal ultrasound. With the foley in, this was incredibly painful. I kept telling them that the foley hurt me, but they told me that if I needed surgery that they would just have to put it back in again, and then I would be really sore. It was like a burning painful feeling all the time. The tech called in another person to help her look at the screen. She never talked to me, and I just laid there and cried. I think I cried that entire morning. After about 40 minutes, she took me out of the ultrasound room. She left me in the hall for about ten minutes. Then she came and took me back to the ER. I was too upset to notice, but she never cleaned off the ultrasound gel or towels. The doctor later saw this and cleaned me up. I was too numb to notice.
The ER doctor did a pelvic exam, then later another one with the OB/GYN. After about six hours of tests the OB/GYN told me that she wanted to do surgery. She said that they couldn't find the baby on the ultrasound, and they my levels were only around 300, and for a 6 weeks pregnant woman they should be around 3,000. She said she was very concerned, and that they couldn't find what was causing me pain. They told me all of the possibilities. She was wonderful and very compassionate. I wanted to hug her. They finally took me up to do the surgery. They left us in another curtained area for a bit before they wheeled me in. My husband and I prayed and cried together. I felt peace. We told each other that we loved each other, and then it was time for me to go. In the OR it was so cold. The doctor came in and said "Girl! It is freezing in here!" and went and got me another blanket. She was so funny. She held my hand as the anesthesia took me under. I remember crying as I did, and clinging so tightly to her hand, I was so afraid. I had the fleeting thought that I might die, but I knew that God was watching over me.
All morning I had kept telling Tom that he had to go to the wedding. He said no. The wedding was at 3:30 P.M. I was just getting out of surgery when she walked down the aisle. My daughter was there to be the flower girl, and my in-laws made sure she was dressed in her little white dress and taken care of. It took me a long time to wake up. My husband said it was like two hours. I wanted so badly to wake up, but I just couldn't. When I finally did, my husband told me everything. The baby had been in my fallopian tube. The tube had ruptured and I had been bleeding internally. The tube was too badly damage to save, and they had to remove it. They also found a cyst on my ovary that was almost as big as the ovary itself. They drained that. I didn't cry when he told me any of this. And I didn't cry again for a long time.
Trying to be conscious enough to wake up, and then the gas pain, was almost too much for me. I just kept saying that I couldn't get up. The nurse wouldn't let me sit still. She told me it was her job to be the witch, because it would hurt more later if I didn't get up and moving to get the gas out. I truly have never felt such pain in my life. It was worse than labor. I was able to eventually get up and get moving. I was glad that that foley was finally out. I was finally able to be discharged. My friend Kate was able to change her flight to stay with us an extra day so she could help. She stayed in the extra bed in our hotel room that night. I don't remember much of that night. I know that I kept throwing up. But the percocet really knocked me out other than that. The pain was terrible if I didn't take the drugs.
We flew home the next night. I was able to doze through most of the flight, thank God. Tom took care of our daughter, who also was able to sleep through most of the flight. We had problems getting a wheelchair at the Philadelphia airport, but other than that, the trip home was good. It was such a relief to be home. We got home at 9 A.M. in the morning.
It has been almost a month since all of this happened. I finally started crying in the last week. I guess I was in shock or denial, and just couldn't mourn. I am now. I am recovering, and I look forward to trying to get pregnant again. My doctor told me at my checkup that I look good, and can get pregnant again when I want to. I am so thankful to be alive, and even if I can't get pregnant again, I do have my daughter. I have found joy in this, and in being alive. I am thankful for God's protection.