Rose's Story 

I did not expect to get pregnant in November of 1998, as we already had three children. My husband, being an only child, figured we were "done", and I had figured we might have another one "someday". Therefore the positive pregnancy test at the doctor's office came as a shock, but over the next few days we got excited, even giddy, at the prospect of "Little Appleseed".

Someday was going to be July 24, 1999. One week after the pregnancy test, about six weeks along in the pregnancy, I was fixing the Thanksgiving stuffing in the kitchen with my husband when I was suddenly hunched over with a knifing pain in my lower abdomen. It almost felt like a killer bowel movement, so I went to the bathroom, but the pain didn't go away. My husband somehow got me to the car and drove me to the hospital. My Uncle, visiting from the next state, stayed with my kids that afternoon and evening. The folks in the ER were very nice. They repeated the urine test, then performed a blood test. When my HCG level came in at 4400, they decided they could do an ultrasound.

The only view of the screen that I ever got was my empty uterus, which looked just like the pictures in the books. They kept the screen away from my view, so whenever I shifted around a little and tried to see, they moved it away from me, so I never saw Little Appleseed. They told us later that the ultrasound found a mass in the corner of my tube next to the left ovary and that it had started to rupture and bleed so I needed emergency surgery. An hour later the doctor on call came down and told me how he would do the operation and that I would need to wait a year before trying again. I was in so much pain that I signed the papers without a second thought.

After I got home on the following Saturday, I was still in shock. Part of me still acted like I was pregnant. Reality hit in stages. On Monday, I suddenly realized that I signed away the life of my child. (Later I realized that if I hadn't, eventually I would have passed out and my husband would have signed.) On Thursday, I wore maternity clothes to the doctors office, even though I didn't need them, and walked into a waiting room crammed full of women who were really pregnant. It was devastating! Worse still was the fact that I walked out of the doctor's office with birth control pills. Raised a strict Catholic, I'd been taught to believe that this form of birth control was just NOT an option for me. I cried all of the way home. I took the pills for two horrible months and fought with the doctor the whole time. At the end of those two months, I finally decided that the problem was the fact that he didn't want to find out about me emotionally and therefore couldn't comprehend how best to treat me.

Should he be on call when I go to the hospital again, I know he will treat my body's needs well, but I have never left his office without bursting into tears, so I will not go there again. I found some further advice indicating that with my particular situation, I should wait 3-4 months, so by March, I was ready to try again. My husband was not, but had miscounted. By my figuring, I should have gotten pregnant. When I got my period in mid April, the horror of the whole thing from November through March hit me as if it was brand new and I cried for two days. I resolved that I would forget about the whole thing. Then the miracle happened. In mid May I found out that I was pregnant again! I was very excited, but also very concerned. Suppose this was ectopic, too? The other doctor's office in my town was very kind, but very slow.

First came testing, then a visit with the doctor, then, finally, the ultrasound. After a month and a half, I have finally had the uterine pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. Our joy knows no bounds, but I will never forget Little Appleseed, and look forward to a time when I can meet this child face to face.