There are women who become mothers without effort, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be a better mother not because of genetics, or money, or that I have read better books. But because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited.
I have endured and planned. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child. I will take the time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed and that I am not waking to cry tears of a broken dream--my dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense, that God has given me this insight, this special view with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
-Author Unknown

Dear Mommy and Daddy
I just wanted to let you know,
That I made it home.
The journey wasn’t an easy one,
But it didn’t take too long.
Everything is so pretty here,
So white, so fresh and new.
I wish that you could close your eyes,
And that you could see it too.
Please try not to be sad for me...
Try to understand.
God it taking care of me...
I’m in the shelter of his hands.
Here there is no sadness,
No sorrow and no pain.
Here there is no crying,
No hurt for us again.
Here it is so peaceful,
When all the angels sing.
I really have to go now-
I’ve just got to try my wings!
-Author Unknown

Ascension
And if I go while you’re still here,
Know that I live on, vibrating to a different measure.
Behind a thin veil, you cannot see through.
You will not see me, so you must have faith.
I wait for the time, when we can soar together again-both aware of each other.
Until then live your life to the fullest,
And when you need me...
Just whisper my name in your heart,
and I will be there.
-Author Unknown

It is not growing like a tree
In bulk, doth make man better be;
Or standing long an Oak, three hundred year,
To fall a log at last, dry, bald and sere.
A Lily of a Day,
Is fairer far in May,
Although it fall, and die that night;
It was the plant, and flower of light.
In small proportions, we just beauties see;
And in short measures, life may perfect be.
-Ben Jonson
In Memory of his young friend Henry Morison

I Felt You There
In every sunrise,
every mountain,
every rainbow, every star,
I'm loving you,
Yet I'm not sure where you are.
Are you sitting here beside me,
or were you the bird that flew?
I feel the wind blow in my ear,
and I'm wondering if it's you.
Are you reading over my shoulder?
Are you holding my hand right now?
I'm not sure if I know just how.
I can feel you wiping my teardrops,
and asking me, please, not to cry.
I want to tell you I love you,
But I am missing you,
loving you so much,
and I'm wondering why you had to go.
-Jennifer Brown

No kicks,
No coos,
Nothing to lose--
Some say.
But I lost...
A smile,
A hug,
A dream,
A prayer.
You were here.
Wanted,
Loved,
Missed.
I wish I could have kissed you,
A brand new soul,
Your goal only to feel the love of a mother
And a father--
A family.
New lessons to learn.
Your soul becomes older,
And wiser,
Preparing for birth.
I will be here waiting,
And welcoming you.
Finally,
to Earth.
To my arms,
To our family,
To stay.
-Author Unknown

I thought of you and closed my eyes,
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother and I know I heard him say...
A Mother has a baby, this we know is true.
But God can you be a Mother, when your baby’s not with you?
Yes you can, he replied with confidence in his voice.
I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime; and others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb, but there’s no need to stay.
I just don’t understand this God, I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared his throat; and then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile with other children,
and say,
"We go to Earth to learn our lessons of Love and Life and Fear, My Mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here... I feel so lucky to have a Mom, who had so much love for me, I learned my lesson quickly, My Mommy set me free. I miss my Mommy oh so much but I visit her each day, When she goes to sleep, on her pillow is where I lay. I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek; and whisper in her ear, Mommy don’t sad today, I’m your baby and I’m here.
So you see my dear sweet one, your children are okay.
Your babies are here in my home; And this is where they’ll stay.
They’ll wait for you with me, until your lesson is through.
And on the day that day arrives, they’ll be at the gates for you.
So, now you see what makes a Mother, it’s the feeling in your heart.
It’s the love you had so much of, right from the very start.
Though some on Earth may not realize until their time is done,
Remember all the love you have,
And know that you are a special Mom!

(Jennifer W. wrote this poem after the loss of her son Zachery at birth and 2 additional  miscarriages. She felt that she wasn't being recognized as a Mother and other knew that other women must feel the same way.  In memory of Zachery 1/29/98-1/29/98)

A Child's Angel
Once upon a time,
There was a child ready to be born.
So, one day he asked God,
They tell me you are sending me to Earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless...
Among the many angels,
I chose one just for you.
She will be waiting for you and will take care of you.
But tell me,
Here in Heaven I don't do anything but sing and smile.
That's enough for me to be happy.
How am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language that men talk...
Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear and with much patience and care,
Your angel will teach you how to speak.
What am I going to do when I want to talk to you...
Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.
I have heard that on Earth there are bad men.
Who will protect me...
Your angel will defend you,
Even if it means risking its life.
But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.
Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way for you to come back to me,
Even though I will always be next to you.
At that moment,
There was peace in Heaven, but voice from Earth could already be heard.
In a hurry, the child asked softly;
Oh God, if I am about to leave now,
Please tell me my angel's name.
Your angel's name is of no importance, little one.
But you will call your angel
"Mommy".
-Author Unknown

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOMMY
A kiss to you on mothers day,
A hug from me to you.
I know that you are sad sometimes,
I know that you are blue.
Please wipe away that tear,
Put on a happy face.
For I'm with God in Heaven now,
Oh mommy, what a wonderful place!
God gave me wings so I could fly,
They are white with a hint of blue.
I'm a big boy mommy, with these wings of mine,
They carry me down to visit you.
God is teaching me how to catch your prayers,
prayers that come as wishes.
Your wish is the same everyday,
A wish that I could have stayed.
I have a prayer for you now mommy,
I pray that you will hear.
God needed me here with him,
I have no pain or fear.
For I am an Angel now you see,
I watch over you each night and day.
A little piece of heaven on earth,
Guiding you on your way.
I come to tuck you in each night,
As you wanted to do with me.
I hear your prayers, and kiss your cheek,
Then I watch you dream.
Before I leave you and go back home,
I look at you and sigh.
And as I fly back to heaven,
I sing you a lull-a-bye.
A kiss to you on mothers day,
A hug from me to you.
I love you mommy, please don't cry,
You'll get to hold me soon.
-Heather Peterson
written for Gage Alexander Peterson

Seated on His throne the Lord of all the earth
Cuddling the child to whom I had given birth
Sang a lullaby and kissed his tiny cheek
Said to His little charge, "Your mom is feeling weak,
Her heart is broken 'cause she misses you so.
You see - she wanted so much to watch you grow.
But do not worry, I always have a plan!
I hold the whole world in the palm of my hand.
I will see to it that she knows she is loved
If it takes all the angels in heaven above.
Your 3 little friends - Tucker, Conner and Jess,
Have mom's who miss them who'll carry my message.
They will be able to listen and understand
As each one of them misses her little man."
Together we shared and together we cried.
Noah - did you see that? Your mommy just smiled.
I got the message from you and from Jesus
I know you loved us, though you had to leave us.
Now do not worry, your dad and I are okay.
We miss you so much, but we'll see you someday!
We will be looking for you when this life ends,
So be a good boy and play nice with your new friends!
-Christie Hoos

BEING YOUR MOMMY
 No sleepless nights, no 3 a.m. feedings
 No good night kiss or storybook readings
 No birthday cake in the shape of a car
 No camping out and no wishing on stars
 No trips to the zoo, no learning to skate
 No "wash your hands mister", no "clean your plate"
 No chicken pox, no meet the teacher nights
 No best buddies, no sleepovers, no fights
 No play dough, no pictures on the fridge door
 No weekly allowance, no rules, no chores
 No action figures all over the place
 No reading about dinosaurs, bugs or space
 No grass stains on elbows, no holes in the knees
 No reminder to say "thank you" and "please"
 No hockey try-outs, no rides to the mall
 No band-aids and kisses after a fall
 No calls to Grandma, no Father's Day card
 Being your mommy is so very hard!
I wish I had known you for just a day
 to have held you before you went away.
 I miss you! - your face, your laughter, your touch...
 I feel cheated! I am missing so much!
 I miss your childhood - it would have been fun!
 And I miss the man you would have become.
 I'm missing a lifetime of memories.
 When all the moms talk - I've got no stories.
 I've got only dreams of how it would be
 And wishes that you were still here with me.
 I will spend my whole life thinking of you;
 Loving you so much and missing you too!
 Being your mommy has brought me such pain,
 But you were worth it - I'd do it again!
-Christie Hoos

I Ache For You
I ache for tiny fingers pulling at my hair.
I ache for the sound of cries in the night.
I ache for the sight of a smile just for me.
I ache for the smell of perfection, so sweet and pure.
I ache for the taste of a kiss.
I ache for arms wrapped around my neck so tight.
I ache for a tiny hand in mine.
I ache for a hug to fill my arms.
I ache for warmth at my breast.
I ache for a heaviness in my lap.
I ache for the run to stop a fall.
I ache for bending to one who hurts.
I ache for tiptoeing while he sleeps.
I ache for you.
-Written July 25, 1999 for Tucker

His and Hers
Helpless.
They both feel helpless.
But they each seek their own roles.
They have to find a way to cope,
To soothe their shattered souls.
He wants to take away her pain,
And make her safe once more.
She wants to share her tears with him,
Bare herself to the core.
He wants to make it better,
And he wants to be assured,
That everything will be okay.
That their love has endured.
She wants to talk some more about their child who has died.
He thinks that he's done something wrong,
And that is why she sighed.
She's crying once again,
And she won't get out of bed.
He sees her journal perched atop all those books she's read.
She sees him start new projects,
Go to work and watch TV.
She wonders how he does it,
How he has the energy.
But sometimes,
There's a moment,
When they're both on the same plane.
Sometimes,
For just a moment,
Their grief seems just the same.
It's in those small shared moments that they need so very much,
That they find each other reaching,
That they find each other's touch.
-Gwen Flowers

Angel Friends
A beautiful little angel showed up to Heaven's gates,
Confused and unknowing the plan that for him awaits.
Then another little angel walked up and took his hand,
And said, "Please don't be sad you left, you're in the Promised Land."
"I'm glad to be here but I do not think I was to go,
Perhaps there was a mistake, for my mommy wanted me so!"
The little greeting angel gave a sweet smile and said,
"My mommy wanted me too, but to Heaven I was led.
You see, we do not get to choose when on Earth it's time to go.
He gave us life, love and joy and a mother's womb to grow.
The Lord still needs new angels to guide them down on earth.
To watch over, comfort them, and help them see their worth."
"Is there still a way that I can sleep in my mommy's bed?"
The greeting angel grinned and said, "That luxury you will keep.
I visit my mommy nightly and softly sing her to sleep."
The little angel replied, "Then I think I'll like it here.
I'll visit my mommy nightly and weaken her pain and fears.
I love her and will keep her safe at night and in between,
And let her know with a sweet memory that she is still with me."
The greeting angel gave the new friend a big hug and said,
"Until our mommy's meet us here, let's be best angel friends."
"Okay," said the new angel, "that sounds good to me."
Then the angels sat and played keeping their mommy's in sight,
Humming the tune to the song they would sing to their mommies tonight.
-Anonymous

Little One
When I found out about you,
The world seemed to be a better place.
Joy, love, happiness, confidence, hope;
Looking forward to the things to come.
Full of it-of the miracle,
Elated by it-in seventh heaven,
A wish come true,
At last.
I dreamt of you for such a long time.
You were on my mind, I wanted to share it,
With the people close to me.
Told them as soon as I could-
Joy, love, happiness, confidence, hope;
The unexpected, the fear, the hope.
Over-ended before it could start.
Hurt, pain, tears, uncertainty;
The operation-the end.
No more plans, no future for you.
Cry and be comforted.
The immense pain.
Waiting for the time to take the edge off it.
Carefully looking out for the future...
The sun slowly outshines the shadow.
Hope for a future-which you still will be a part of .
New joy,
New love,
New happiness,
New confidence,
New hope.
-Annmarie

Perfect Even In Death
No one remembers,
I cannot say why.
Only thing I keep thinking,
Is that nobody tried.
You were mine, only mine;
No one knew you like me.
I don't know why He couldn't,
Just let you be.
We shared so much,
In our short time together.
And the time that we shared,
Has made memories forever.
So much I learned,
So much I lost.
Everything turned, toppled,
And tossed.
Butterfly flutters, then turns,
And kicks.
Then, that sad day.
Was my mind playing tricks?
No cry, no movement,
not even a breath.
As you lay on my tummy-
Perfect even in death.
When I think of you now,
At the age you would be.
A beautiful "big boy",
Is the child I see.
My son you were,
My son you'll always be.
-Lil' Red

Lost Love
I never got to see you,
My precious bundle of joy.
I never got to know you,
Were you a girl or a boy?
I never got to hold you,
And rock you to and fro.
I never got to kiss you,
Or count your little toes.
I never got to see your face,
Eyes open with a smile.
I never got to have you,
Even for a little while.
I never got to keep you,
I had to let you go.
I never got a chance to say,
I really love you so.
Debbie Gasparovich

In My Dreams
I saw you in my dreams.
My soul,
Your soul,
Runs deep.
Forever in my dreams,
Together in my sleep.
I saw you in my dreams,
You lay down in my heart.
Forever in my dreams,
Together, not apart.
I saw you in my dreams,
I'd rather be with you.
Forever in my dreams,
And then a dream come true.
I saw you in my dreams,
As happy as can be.
Forever in my dreams,
Together you and me.
I saw you in my dreams,
A piece of golden art.
Forever in my dreams,
Forever in my heart.
-by Cedric L. McGhee

Little One's Journey
"It's time to go."
He told his little one.
"But wait, I'm not done!"
A tiny voice replied.
"The voice I hear each day is filled with such love,
Doesn't she want me to stay?"
"She will understand."
He said, reaching out his hand.
"How?" The little voice said questioning.
"Have you told her of what you have planned?"
"She knows I love her"
He said with a gentle smile.
"She realized she would only have you for just a little while."
"Then you did tell her of your plans?"
"Yes, in her heart she knows you are off to a better land."
"Will she miss me?"
The little voice said sadly.
"She will miss you very much."
He said as a tear zigzagged down his face.
"Then I won't go, I'll stay right here."
The little one said boldly.
"I like it here, it's so warm and cozy."
"But I have plans for you."
He said, reaching out his hand.
"What kind of plans?"
The little one said, trying to understand.
"I'm going to take you to a wonderful land.
You will have others to play with.
Young one's just like you.
Everywhere there is light,
and the sky is always blue."
"I don't want to leave her alone and sad."
The little one said reaching for his hand.
"You won't leave her alone." He said.
"For I am giving you wings,
So you can see her each night to tuck her into bed."
" I will get to sing her lull-a-bye's and tell her I love her and she will hear all I've said?"
The little one said hopefully.
He smiled. "She will know you are always there.
In her heart.
She knows you will always care."
The little one sat pondering, wondering what to do.
Leaving this place, and going somewhere new?
Wings will bring me back, any time I choose.
He thought I must leave her,
So guess I'm on my way.
I will come back often and tell her that I'm okay.
She will always feel me deep within her heart,
I will leave my imprint upon her soul,
And she and I will never part.
The little one turned to him and said:
"I'm ready to go with you now,
Your words have helped me so.
I know she will love me even though I have to go.
Just one more question before I leave-
This place we are going,
Does it have a name?
Is it as wonderful as it seems?"
"Yes" he said.
"It's called Heaven, and it's a special place to go.
A place to rest, a place for love, and also, a place to grow.
So come my child we're on a quest,
I'll take you home where you can rest.
Please reach for me and take my hand,
I'll lead you to my promise land."
-Heather Peterson

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me
When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see.
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry,
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an Angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand;
And said my place was ready,
In Heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind,
All those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much yet to do.
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad.
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for awhile,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you,
And maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be.
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow.
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through Heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne.
He said,
"This is eternity, and all I've promised you.
Today for life on earth is past,
But here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last.
And since each day's the same day,
There's no longing for the past.
But you have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you take my hand,
And share my life with me?"
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart.
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.
-David M. Romano

Footprints Across our Heart
The door is closed.
The lights turned off.
The closet stands bare.
All the room once waiting...
For the child that should be there.
Sorrow wells up inside of us.
Our tears, an endless flow.
All because we miss the child...
The child we'll never know
No camping trips,
No soccer games,
Nor late evening talks;
No baseball camps or shopping trips,
No shaded mountain walks.
We have not even memories,
To help through times like these
We only have each other as we go down on our knees...
To plead with you,
Our Father,
To take this pain away.
To help us know your love,
Will guide us through each day.
We may never know the reasons,
For this terrible tragedy;
But we can know you love us,
Through all life's mysteries.
Our time was far too brief,
It was over before its start;
But our little angel left behind,
Footprints Across Our Heart
-W. Patrick Queen

My Mom is a Survivor
My Mom is a survivor,
Or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying at night,
When all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night,
And go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her,
To help her understand.
But like the sands on the beach,
That never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom,
Who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for others...
A smile of disguise!
But through Heaven's door I see,
Tears flowing from her eyes.
My mom tries to cope with death,
To keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows,
It is her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mom,
Through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell her that angels,
Protect me forevermore.
I know that doesn't help her...
Or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance, go visit her...
And show her that you care.
For no matter what she says...
No matter what she feels,
My surviving mom has a broken heart,
That time won't ever heal.
-Kaye Des'Ormeaux

Special Little Spirit
"You're a Special Little Spirit,"
The all great Master said;
As he gently caressed the beautiful red hair,
Of the Little Spirit's head.
"You need to go to Earth to spend some time, you know.
A place I send most Spirits,
To be tested,
To learn,
And grow."
The Little Spirit,
In sadness,
Slowly bowed her head.
And from her eye a tear did steal,
And down her cheek it shed.
"Don't you fret now little one,
I won't let you stay too long.
I'll bring you back to help Me here,
You'll hardly know that you've been gone.
You're my choicest Little Spirit,
You're the apple of my eye."
And he wiped the tear and gently kissed,
His Little Spirit good-bye.
"I'm back," the Little Spirit whispered,
As she climbed onto her Master's knee.
And the Master said, "I told you,
You would not be long away from me."
And then the Lord,
He noticed,
Still another tear welled in her eye.
"Why are you so sad, Little Spirit,
Whatever should make you cry?"
"I'm glad I'm back," the Little Spirit said,
"But Master you must surely know,
When Your Angel came to get me,
I did not want to go.
I know you said you needed me,
And that I'd be gone the shortest while,
But Lord,
Couldn't I have had a little longer earthly trial?"
The Master let the Little Spirit slip down from off His knee,
He firmly took the little hand and said,
"Come walk with Me."
The Little Spirit and the Lord
 Slowly walked hand in hand,
As the Master explained her special part,
In the great and marvelous plan.
"Now Lord, I don't mean to argue,
I understand that you needed me home.
But I left in such a hurry,
 I left everyone hurting and so alone.
I didn't let my earthly parents know how much I loved them so.
I was too small to tell them Lord,
How will they ever know?
They feel they've been cheated,
And in a way,
so do I.
Not getting to share any more than we did,
How can I ever tell them why?"
"Little Spirit, I know your heart is heavy,
With this message you need to share.
But you need not worry anymore.
 I'll watch over your loved ones there.
I'll send them loving comfort,
 As a strong and helping hand.
I'll contend and give peace to their aching hearts,
So they will understand."
The Little Spirit looked up at her Master and said,
"Thank you for explaining it to me.
And could you please tell them that I'm safe and happy,
And that someday they'll be here with me?"
"Yes," said the Lord with a smile and a nod,
"I'll tell them all that I can."
Then the others came to see the Little Spirit,
As the Lord let go of her hand.
He said, "I'll tell them that you're pure,
As pure as Heaven's Gold.
That I needed the warmth of your perfect soul
To keep Heaven from getting cold."
-Author Unknown

TO MY BABY
Is it proper to cry for a baby too small,
For a coffin?
Yes,
I think it is.
Does Jesus have my too-small baby,
In His tender arms?
Yes,
I think He does.
There is so much I do not know about you-
My child.
He?
She?
Quiet or restless?
Will I recognize someone I knew so little about?
Yet loved so much.
Yes,
I think I will.
Ah,
Sweet, small child.
Can I say,
That loving you is like loving God?
Loving,
Yet not seeing.
Holding,
Yet not touching.
Caressing,
Yet separated by the chasm of time.
No tombstone marks your sojourn,
And only God recorded your name.
The banquet was not canceled,
Just moved.
Just moved.
Yet a tear remains,
Where a baby should have been.
-Erwin W. Lutzer

Missing Not Knowing You
I never held you in my arms,
But I knew that you were here.
I never saw your little face,
But in my mind I see it clear.
I'll never hold you to my breast,
But in my heart I'll hold you dear.
I'll never sing you a lullaby,
But my voice I know you can hear.
I know for now your safe and sound,
The angels have taken you in.
They hold you in their loving arms,
Where mine should have been.
They'll sing you songs like mothers do,
And keep you safe and warm.
So for a time they may hold you my child.
I'll be here taking care,
Of the children who need your Mommy's love,
The love you wanted to share.
-T.J. Dawson
April 18, 1999

Just Those Few Weeks
For those few weeks,
I had you to myself.
And that seems too short a time,
to be challenged so profoundly.
In those few weeks-
I came to know you.
And to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks-
When I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams, and aspirations......
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks-
It wasn't enough to convince others
How special and important you were
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
And no-one is mourning the passing.
Just a mere few weeks-
And no "normal" person would cry all night
Over a tiny, unfinished baby.
Or get depressed and withdraw day
after endless day. No-one would so why am I?
You were just those few weeks my little one
You darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
To make my life so much richer-
And give me a small glimpse of eternity.
  -Susan Erlin

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's." More "I'm sorry's."

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute, look at it and really see it , live it and never give it back.
-Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer)

Secret
I felt you.
I loved you.
You were with me.
4 weeks.
Our child.
June 30.
July 28.
I felt you.
I loved you.
Our child.
-Heta

A LACK OF DIGNITY
Gently my tears begin
they have become so familiar
they're almost comforting
I cry openly, sometimes in public
hoping it will cleanse me
I no longer have dignity
would have been you
in the cart at the grocery
"How cute, what's her name?"
I look forward to midnight
rocking you gently, gently
rocking, gently, gently rocking
Pretending you are in my arms
pretending I am comforting you
nursing you, touching your cheek
I hold you close and kiss you
then gently lay you to sleep
good night my little dancer.
-Jacqueline Savageau
in memory of Amanda Leigh Savageau

jsavageau@earthlink.net

In the Night
I hear the tiny voice cry out to me
I feel the tiny fingers graze my own
(just the wind)
I feel the sadness creep into my heart
(just an ache)
I see the tears in your eyes
as they slide down my cheeks
I smell the fear on everyone
strong and bitter afraid to mention
I wake beside you alone and afraid
searching in vain for the tiny voice
Then the wind blows softly and my
heart eases, my tears cease
and the tiny fingers (just the wind)
envelop me
I know my little one is with love
safe and secure.
-Kelley
(for my baby with love mommy)

Today I see you cry with a pain,
Pain greater than the stars in the sky.
I hear you hold back a sigh of sorrow,
Trying to learn how to say goodbye.
A life not yet known,
but missed and mourned,
A mothers heart forever scorned.

Yesterday I saw you smile with joy,
A joy that only the Lord could give.
You were blessed with God's greatest gift,
and the dreams you together would live.
But those dreams were shattered in two,
and you are left wondering how to get through.

But tomorrow,
My love,
The sun will shine,
The rays will light up your face.
You will be blessed in ways unknown,
For everything has its time and place.

You know that God loves you and so do I.
With that in your heart look to the sky,
And never allow your dreams to die.

Submitted by a site visitor.  The poem was written for her by her best friend.
In memory of Alisabeth Leigh.
Taken from us by an ectopic pregnancy February 5, 2001

Adulthood-Loss
A shriek of joy at last you're here
Grateful, elated something so dear
A part of me something I made
Slowly but surely the mood will fade.

I felt you grow inside me everytime
Emotion we shared my heart did shine
 But brief our encounter, soon you were taken
I'm aware I've lost you as I awaken.

Why did this happen, we held on tight
It all seemed good the future bright
Your soul slipped away to the clouds in the sky
On Earth I am left I don't know why.

I want to die can I come with you
How can it be what did I do?
I don't understand it seems so wrong
I need to find you you and I belong.

-Zoe
March 2000
(I love you so very much please always remember that...all of you.  One day we will be reunited and never will we parted again.  Mommy loves you all...infinity xxxxxxx)

Missing You

I wish that I could tell you
How happy we both were
To know that we would soon be blessed
With a grandchild for which to care.

The dreams I dreamed were sweet and full
A timeless dream it seemed.
You were here, in my arms
For all the world to see.

I waited, it's true, for oh so long,
For a grandchild to hold close to me
But, it was not meant for just right now
In God's lap you needed to be.

One day soon, I'll see you there,
Your sweetest face I will tenderly hold
Until that day, I will carry on
Till I touch your halo of gold.

Please say a prayer and keep us close
Till we are one as a family should be,
You'll know right away when you see us come
We're the family who wanted you so!

All my love,
Gramma Beers

For Kyela Nakoel Perry

One event, so significant.
So much was learned but it wasn't enough.

If only once I could have seen her face, heard her cry, I'd be at ease.

Someone I've never met, but love so much.
She changed my life.

She's an angel.
She's commited no sins.
It isn't her fault.

Rest happily baby girl.
I love you.
You're with the Lord our savior.

Mommy loves you.

Tiny Warrior

You never saw the spring my love

Or the red tailed hawk circling high above

On feathered wings my love

You only knew the snow

You never saw the prairie grasses bend and blow

And undulate like the shimmering indigo sea

You never saw me

Your eyes were closed so tight

They say you put up quite a fight

Somehow your life was over before it had begun and

Gently did I touch and kiss your tiny fingered hand

Born too soon

You never saw the silver moon

Or the light of a summer's day

Last night I dreamt a gathering of eagles

Had come

To spirit you away

Born too soon

Your tender heart could not beat

To the pulsing rhythm of life's taut drum

-Sharmagne Leland-St.John
Walks Far Woman of the San Poils
For Nikolai 1982-1983
Walks Far Woman
quillandparchment.com