Lynn's Story
dlbbeier@ecenet.com
I went through a tubal pregnancy in September, my left tube being removed. My husband and I have one child, Brady-now 4! We had tried to get pregnant for 3 years with the aid of fertility drugs, but no luck! We then went on a family vacation and to some time off. Around six weeks, later on my husband's and MY birthday, I felt as if I had the flu. I had a problem with blacking out and severe vomiting. I then went to a hospital I was unfamiliar with and found out I was pregnant, I was in disbelief and asked for an ultrasound but was denied as they didn't have enough time to! I was told to schedule a first OB appointment within the next month.

I went home that night so excited to be pregnant, we stayed up all night deciding on names and thinking on how we had to look fir a new house. My pain worsened and in the morning I went to my normal hospital, where I had an ultrasound. I will never forget the words, "there's nothing there!" It was now hopes and dreams shattered. I was administered drugs to terminate the pregnancy, in which I cried while I signed to consent and balled while I got the injections. I went home thinking this was all over! My evening was filled with excruciating pain.

I went back into the hospital, for a laporoscopy, only to wake up and found out that my tube had ruptured, probably three days earlier and I had been internally bleeding, which caused the dizziness. I was medically not well, to put it mildly. I had to receive three pints of blood and remained on oxygen for days. I worried so bad about my son (he had now been spending days at his grandparents). I even missed his first days at preschool.

I'm glad I could contact you for a little support. I received a lot from my family, but none from my husbands. They all live about 20 minutes away from the hospital and I never saw or heard from them. Those long days and nights in the hospital were the worst days of my life, I had way to much time to think and one would believe I should be cried out by now, but I think I still do about once a day. It all never leaves my mind. What really bothers me is being told that it just wasn't meant to be, it was meant to be a baby to me, one that I could caress and love forever. I wish only more people could understand exactly what it is like to go through.

I had him named, have a bear in memory, light a special candle daily in memory and even bought a special Christmas ornament. Maybe I do go to far but it is how I cope with, I will never feel as if this is totally resolved. Now the tears are flowing again!