"Is this your story?"

Thank you so much for your website. To say I have felt utterly alone in this is an understatement.  When I was in my late teens I had PID. If I had only realized how much a youthful indiscretion would cost me I could have saved myself a lot of heartache. I have had now three ectopic pregnancies. The first caused the loss of my left tube and ovary. The second I was told was at the very end of my right tube-almost in the uterus. I was told by the physician that I should be able to have a normal pregnancy.

Since then I have had a normal HSG and when I found out I was pregnant this time I was sure it was going to be alright. However, four weeks into the pregnancy, I began spotting. I knew what that meant and immediately contacted my OB/GYN. I went to my first appointment and had a transvaginal ultrasound. It appeared from the pictures that I had a pregnancy in my uterus but no clear heartbeat was seen. However it was still very early and I was told that can be normal and to come back in a few days for a second ultrasound. After the second ultrasound, it was confirmed that whatever was in my uterus had no heartbeat. I was told it was a blighted ovum and was scheduled for a D&C. So I mourned my baby the first time. I started to recover physically and emotionally. However my tender breasts were still there and my abdomen still felt full. I thought it was just BHCG working it's way out of my system and soon these would disappear but they didn't. One morning I had severe cramps. The pain was excruciating and lasted about 30 minutes. Milder cramps lasted all day. The next day I was fine. But when it happened a second time I knew I had to see my doctor.

So I went in and had my third transvaginal ultrasound this time they saw fluid in my abdomen but nothing else. Being an oncology nurse, I began to worry immediately. All I could think about was ascites and ovarian cancer. The physician, the third one I'd seen in the practice (I had yet to see my own doctor because he only worked out of the office a couple days a week). This guy didn't even read my chart and when told what my date of lmp was he proceeded to ask me if I thought I could be pregnant-this was a week after my D&C. He sent me home to return to another office the next day for another ultrasound. He thought it was burst ovarian cyst. Each time I saw a new doctor I told him my history of ectopic.

When I returned for my fourth ultrasound that is when I saw it. My baby-so big on the monitor but yet so small with his tiny beating heart. It was then I was told I had my third ectopic. I was scheduled for laproscopy that day for removal. I was devastated. How could this happen again? I mourned for the second time the loss of a child.

Since then I've experienced a plethora of emotions. A lot of anger and sadness. I've had my follow-up. This time the pregnancy was on the fimbria side. The doctor said everything looks normal with my tube. I've been scheduled for another HSG to evaluate the damage of the surgery to my remaining tube. The doctor said he thinks I've just had a string of bad luck. He gave us a 50/50 chance of having a uterine pregnancy and said we could try again and only if this next one fails should I consider IVF. I don't know what to do. I'm so afraid of investing myself emotionally in another pregnancy only to have it end in failure.

I thank you for your website and I thank you for allowing me to speak- I really needed to unload this. This site is a godsend. Thank you.