Cherri's Story
CKeaton@Carter.k12.ky.us

My ectopic pregnancy journey began in June. After having a normal period at the beginning of the month, I began to have what seemed like another period. So I made an appointment with my doctor and the cyst found on my right ovary was thought to be the problem. However, just to be  sure there were no other problems, he also ordered several other tests including a pregnancy test. I found that quite amusing, since I didn't think it was possible although we had been trying for over one year. My doctor and I even discussed infertility and would be going into more depth on the subject during my annual appointment in August. Imagine my surprise when he called two days later to tell me I was pregnant. At that time he did warn me that something could be wrong-miscarriage or ectopic. So began the weekly visits for ultrasounds and blood work.

On my second visit he ruled out miscarriage and on my third visit he thought that maybe we had just caught this at such an early stage that nothing would show on the ultrasound. That sounded really hopeful to me, so we waited two weeks for the next ultrasound. By the fourth visit I definitely knew I was pregnant-heartburn that is beyond description and frequent visits to the bathroom. I was so confident that everything was fine. Wrong! On my fourth visit in July, which also happened to be my 33rd birthday my ordeal began. When nothing appeared on the ultrasound in the uterus, it was as if the entire world held its breath as that tiny bulge appeared on the screen in my left tube. Time seemed to stand still. I couldn't think, I couldn't feel, everything just stopped. Then as my doctor began to discuss the options I felt my world crash around me. The tears began to flow and my hopes for the future were no more. I was approximately six weeks pregnant.

Of course, a decision had to be made quickly. The decision was to take the methotrexate. That night was the most horrible night of my life. After our family members left and the phone stopped ringing, after my husband finally went to sleep I made my way to the couch. There I cried all night long for the child that would never be...for the child who's life had to be terminated the next day. That was so hard. All the plans and hopes and the name we had chosen...no future. It was so hard to accept that it would not be a reality.

I ended up having two shots and it seems to be working. At this point we are still watching the decline of the HCG levels. It will probably take about two more weeks to get to zero or at least that's what I'm hoping. The last three weeks have been really good. I have more hope each day and I just physically feel better. Obviously, losing our first child has been devastating, but I have a faith that did not die with my child. The most difficult aspect of taking the methotrexate is living in a "pregnant" body and knowing that the outcome will not be the one you were expecting. I still had the heartburn and those other pregnancy symptoms for about two-three weeks. That is extremely depressing.

Now I'm anticipating the time when we can try again. I'm considering having an HSG, but have not made a decision. I plan on discussing it more with my doctor at my next appointment. Thanks again for this wonderful website. It has really helped me cope with my feelings and it has also been a source for information. Knowing that I'm not alone has been a valuable lifeline.

Thanks so much.

P.S. I finally visited your "Little Bean" site yesterday. It was so beautiful and I'm so happy for you!