Carrie's Story
ashapiro@wt.net
I can't believe it, today I saw a huge heart beat when the nurse was doing an ultra sound on my fallopian tubes. She said I am six weeks and one day.  I thought I was only 3 weeks along and that all I would see is a yolk sac. We both saw a large thumping heart beat. All I could do was say "Oh My God." "Oh My God." The Nurse was upset too and she said, "This is not what you want to see. It makes it so much harder." I asked her why there is no technology to safely remove the fetus (blastocyst, zygote) from the fallopian tube and implant it in the uterus as they do with IVF. She said she's been asking the doctor the very same question and she said in Europe they have tried and it never works.

My husband was not there today. He went to Spain for 2 weeks with his mom. They have family there and I was unable to go. He called during my doctor appointment, after my ultra sound and I told him everything. He hopped on the next train in Alli Conti to Madrid. He is looking into changing his flight to come home as soon as possible. He seems very upset and does not like when I keep telling him about the heart beat. He said, "Don't think of it that way." I understand what he is saying, but it helps me to think of it that way. I want to know. I want to get it out. I'm feeling my baby right now. I am so happy I am pregnant and so sad that it will be gone tomorrow. I am convinced it is a boy.

Let me tell you how it all started and my background. I believe a lot of your readers will learn a great deal from my story...I am 30 years old. 10 years ago I had a boyfriend, who I guess cheated on me and gave me an infection. When I went to my family doctor because of acute abdominal pain, I was diagnosed with Pelvic Inflammatory disease (PID). I never heard of it and never knew what it could do. He did not tell me I had gonorrhea or clymydia, he just said PID. Also, He did not tell me to confront my boyfriend and tell him to get treated. It was only later through reading girl magazines that I found out what PID really was. He put me on a 10 day cycle of doxycyclene. I was not hospitalized or referred to an
OBGYN. I went back for a check up and apparently it did the trick and got rid of it. About 5 years later, I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. My current OBGYN thinks it is possible that I never had PID, that I had severe abdominal pain from my Ulcerative Colitis. He is not certain, and probably will know more after my laporoscopy tomorrow.  So, at this point I've always know I probably had one case of PID and that I was at increased risk of getting an ectopic. My husband also knew before we got married. I never realized how hurtful and upsetting it would be to actually experience one though. I was always afraid I would not be able to conceive. I wasn't worried about where the blastocyst would plant (I just wanted conception). Now its a different story.

So to bring you up to date on how I found out, etc. It all started Monday, May 14. I thought I had my last menstrual period LMP on Friday, April 27. (That's another thing that is wrong with me. I have irregular cycles. Before my ectopic, my OBGYN said he suspected POS-polysystic ovarian syndrom - because I do not have regular cycles and I have other symptoms that mimic POS. The solution with POS is to start a cycle of Clomid -which I was planning to do starting in August, 2001 (and I still might, considering my recovery from this). But apparently my ovaries are producing mature follicles and I do ovulate, just not all the time, or not regularly. Anyway, back to my story. On Monday, May 14 I had no cramps, but went to the bathroom and there was orange-brown blood covered on the toilet paper. I looked at it and said "what the hell." Since I just had my period April 27, I couldn't imagine starting on May 14. I know I said I was irregular,
but I was never early. I would always start on the 35, 37, 40, 45, 50 day, never that early. Well I had just started using my first ovulation kit. I used it before my husband went to Spain, suspecting that it was the middle of my odd cycle and that I might be ready to ovulate. Well the tests were positive. My LH Surge had risen and it looked as though I was about to
ovulate. When I read the instructions about false positives it said you could get a false positive if you are already pregnant. It also said once you detect your LH surge, you don't have to continue retesting. Well, I am the curious one and always wonder about my hormones so I decided to test again. I tested for 3 more days and each day I had a positive LH surge. Then I did some reading and it looked as though I could have a hormone imbalance (Little did I know I was already pregnant).

During the time I tested positive, I made sure my husband and I made love over that three day period. This was May 9, 10 & 11. He left for Spain May 12. I laid in bed for an hour with a pillow under me, thinking this time I know it's going to happen. Little did I know, I was already pregnant. So, back to Monday, May 14 when I started spotting. I was like, how could this happen? Am I already starting my period? Well the next morning, Tuesday, May 15 I kept pondering what was happening to my body. First I have Positive LH tests, then spotting 16 days after my supposed last period. So, curios me (lucky me) I decide to take a pregnancy test to see what it says, to try and figure out if I had a hormone imbalance. Mind you, I've taken lots of pregnancy tests in the past (because I'm always late, because I'm always irregular--but they were always negative). This time, it turned positive. I could not believe it. You think my first time reading a pregnancy stick as positive I would be happy. My first reaction was "what the hell" I was scared because I knew I was starting to bleed. I immediately called my OBGYN, told them what happened and went that day to see them. They did an ultra sound. The first thing they ask is when was your lmp? I told them April 27. She said she would not be able to see anything that early.
So they did the Ultrasound anyway and did not see a yolk sac in the uterus, but assured me it was too early and not to start worrying yet. I then saw the doctor and he said we needed to do a quantitative HCG test to see if the HCG doubles. If it doubles, it looks favorable to being a pregnancy in the uterus. If it increases only slightly it looks more like an ectopic. So, after one blood test and then another 48 hours later, which landed on Friday, May 18 -- I had to wait until Monday, May 21 for the results. What a long weekend that was. Meanwhile I continued to spot. It would come and go.
I spotted one day, was clear the next, then spotted again. I never had pain or cramps that were obvious. I did however start feeling slight nausea and breast tenderness.

On Monday, May 21, the call came. My HCG did not double, and I needed to come in to the doctors for an ultra sound. So I call my husband in Spain, told him what's going on, etc. I was upset when I got the call and depressed for the rest of the day Monday, but I was not scared. On Tuesday, May 22, I went to the doctor. First I had the ultrasound. Oh my God. If I wasn't scared on Monday, I was scared today. First she delighted me by finding something that looked like a yolk sac in the uterus. I was like, "what! It's in the uterus! It made it to the uterus?" Then she said, but it's set low, which could mean a miscarriage. I was still relieved, because I knew a miscarriage was probably the cause of an abnormal chromosomal disorder and the fetus would abort naturally. Plus that meant my tubes must have been clear if it made it to the uterus. Then, to my disappointment, she found the real embryo in the fallopian tube. She said, wait a minute,
here it is. I said, what about what you saw in the uterus? She said that it is common to have matter mimic a pregnancy in  the uterus if there is an ectopic. I've never heard of this before. I wonder if I have two fertilized eggs, one inutero, one in the fallopian tube. If I did, I bet the one inutero would not be viable, but you never know. I don't even want to go there
right now. As she was studying the embryo and measuring it, she moved to a point where you could see the heart beat! Oh MY GOD! She said, "Do you see that, are you seeing that!" All I said was "Oh My God" "Oh MY God" It was
this large image on the screen. It looked like a black kidney shaped heart on the screen going "thump-thump-thump!" It was moving very fast and it was very alive. I started to cry and cry. I could not believe what I was seeing and know that I would have to end the heart beat. There is no way the baby could survive. I asked why can't they move it to the uterus. She said they have tried and it never works. I really think it would have been easier had there not been a heart beat. Seeing that thump move so fast made it real. I could visualize what was happening. My poor baby. I'm so sorry you could
not make it to my womb. It really is a sad situation. To know you have a beating human heart, a baby forming, but it's in the wrong place. How close and how disappointed I feel.

It's 7:30 p.m. on Tuesday, May 22 and I'm pretty upset, but not as bad I was earlier today. I think my hormones make me go in and out of depression. I understand that what I'm doing tomorrow is a necessity. the doctor says he will do everything he can to save my tube. Right now I feel acceptance. I kept myself as educated as possible with what I knew at the different stages in my life. I will plan to try again in 3 months if my surgery goes as expected tomorrow-which is to remove the ectopic pregnancy and try to save the tube.

God Bless all the babies who could not be born and God Bless all the mothers and fathers who have wanted a child so desperately.

I feel calm and at ease. Writing and talking on the phone tonight have helped.

I will update you with my outcome and with my future.

Thanks for listening.