Another Rebecca's Story

My name is Rebecca and I am so glad that I found your site. My husband (John) and I were thrilled to find out that we were expecting our first child. John hoped for a boy (don't all men?) and I didn't care...as long as our child was born healthy. When I found out about the pregnancy, I was already about 6 weeks along. I felt slights cramps and was told that this was our baby stretching out my uterus. I was thrilled to experience some morning sickness...to see my breasts start to change...to think about maternity clothes.  At seven weeks, I started spotting a dark brown discharge. Many people told me this was normal but, deep in my heart, I knew that something was wrong. I looked for information on the web...miscarriage...missed miscarriage...molar pregnancy....ectopic pregnancy. I could never find enough information to make me feel better. I KNEW something was wrong.

On Tuesday, September 26, I started to experience sharp, stabbing pains in my abdomen while I was at work.  I'm a professional server/bartender and each step I took was excruciating. My husband and I work at the same restaurant and I told him that we needed to go to the emergency room...that something was horribly wrong. We got to the emergency room around 9 P.M. and had to wait for two hours before anyone would see us. I was finally taken into a room, put the gown on and had to wait for another hour before a doctor actually saw me.

During this time, I started to bleed. I was terrified...convinced that I was having a miscarriage. Around midnight, the doctor finally came in and performed a pelvic exam....told me that my cervix was still tightly closed and that this was a good sign. The doctor left and then came back about an hour later with an ultrasound machine. She told us that my blood work showed a pregnancy in the 2nd month. They performed the ultrasound.  My uterus was empty but yet they couldn't see anything in the tubes. The emergency room ultrasound "chief" came in a performed another ultrasound.  He told me that I needed to go up to labor and delivery, that they have better ultrasound equipment up there. At this point, it was after 1 A.M. and we still didn't know what was happening. Another doctor came in and performed another pelvic exam and another ultrasound.  He couldn't see anything in the uterus and nothing in the tubes. Another doctor was brought in....another pelvic exam...another ultrasound. Yet another doctor came in....another pelvic exam...another ultrasound. I was in extreme pain by this point and was crying...it seemed like I was being emotionally/physically tortured. I was told to go home and to come back Thursday morning for another ultrasound and for more blood work.

They finally took me to a private room where I completely broke down sobbing. A big shot nurse came in and "apologized" for my experience in the delivery recovery room. I thought, "yeh...you're just saying that to cover your ass so that you don't get sued." A few minutes later, they came to take me up to pre-surgery. I waited in presurgery for three more hours. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach and very cold/then very hot. My abdomen was killing me and I noticed that it was distended and hard. John had another fit. He asked the nurse, "my wife is lying here bleeding internally. Is that common practice?" My surgeon (the most humane person I experienced during this whole mess) came in and had a fit right in front of us: "This woman has been bleeding into her belly for seven hours and you're telling me that she has to wait?!?! No. This girl is going NOW."

The surgery lasted over two hours. They were able to save the ovary and the tube. I was in a horrible amount of pain because of the gas they fill you with during surgery (horrible rib/shoulder pain). The surgeon came back and talked to us once I was awake. She said my internal organs look perfectly healthy and that we should be able to try to conceive again after two periods. John asked if it was a boy or a girl  The surgeon told us that it was nothing more than a growing bunch of clotted blood. It sounds bizarre, but that made me feel a little better. I had imagined this perfect little tiny embryo that was just growing in the wrong spot.

I was happy to hear that the tube and the ovary were saved. It scared me when the surgeon told us that, if I would have waited a few more hours, I would have bled to death.  My abdominal cavity was already filled with blood when they operated.  I went home that night and my parents had driven the four hour drive to where we live to be with me. Some co-workers had left some flowers at the house.

I'm starting to feel better physically but the emotional pain is just now starting to set in. We both loved our baby so much, even though it was only 8 weeks when it was taken. We had so many plans and now they're all gone. I pray to God that He has our little baby with Him in Heaven and that we'll see him someday. I feel like I want to cry but I can't. I feel horribly empty and lonely, even though I'm surrounded by people. I wonder how I'll handle it when I have to wait on a table with a child. I wonder if people will try to avoid me. I wonder if we'll be able to have a normal pregnancy.

I still don't understand why this happened. I've never had an IUD...no previous abdominal surgery...no endometriosis...no STD's...no pelvic inflammatory disease...nothing. Even though the tube and ovary were saved, a run a higher risk of a miscarriage or of another ectopic. Did I do something wrong? I am a smoker but quit when I found out about our baby. Did that cause it? I fell at work a while ago...did that cause it? Is it my fault?

I am only 24...will be 25 in November...my husband is only 23. We are young and know that we have lots of time to have children. We weren't trying to conceive this pregnancy but were so thrilled by it. John has agreed to actively try to conceive as soon as the doctor says we can. How do I wait those two or three months? Will the pain go away?

Thank you so much for letting me tell my story. We lost our baby on Thursday, September 28...today is Saturday, September 30. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself....expecting to be "OK" with this. I just don't know.

God Bless you.