Angela's Story

Hi, my name is Angela.  After about an hour of reading your stories, tears streaming down my face, have decided to share with you, my story. I feel each and everyone of your pain. It's a pain that, unless you have lived it, could not possibly seem all that real. I had two ectopic pregnancies, each one so real to me, but somehow not so real to everyone else (except my present husband Frank).  First, let me start out with a little background info.  I married my first husband at 18, and within four years had three beautiful children, but each pregnancy was scary.  My first pregnancy was discovered because of pain in my right side, after hcg levels and such, I was told that my doctor suspected a tubular pregnancy.

Being young and desperate for my first child, I refused to have the fetus removed.  After arguing with my doctor, I finally went home with the advice that if the pain got worse, to go to the hospital.  A week later I was elated to see the fetus on the ultrasound screen, perfectly normal, in my uterus.  My next two pregnancies were basically the same thing, with the exception of bleeding in the third. I don't know what made the next one different, I don't know why I reacted in the manner I did, I just knew somehow that it was different this time. I think its that sixth sense thing  each of us has, but don't know how to utilize.

In April of 1992, I received a call from my local hospital.  They informed me that they could not do my surgery (gallbladder), because my bloodwork had come back and that I was pregnant with my fourth child! Needless to say, I was in the middle of a very bad period of my marriage and was devastated and excited all at the same time. I cried all day and finally came to acceptance of my new soon-to-arrive child. That very evening, I started spotting and cramping lightly.  Never having a miscarriage, I decided this is it! I didn't have a current ob, so I went to the emergency room.  Mind you my cramping was very light.  I entered and went to sign my name in and doubled over in sudden pain, after much poking and proding, several tests, and a very scary internal ultrasound, I got the news-it was definitely a tubal pregnancy and I was hemorrhaging severely.

Emergency surgery was my only option. I lost my right tube.
My followup exam with the doctor who had performed my surgery was awful.  I was told that not only had I lost my right tube, but my left looked severally damaged. So I grieved, not only for my lost child, but for any future hope of ever having anymore. The doctor told me my chances of ever conceiving again were next to nil, he didn't even suggest the use of birth control.

So life went on. I stayed in my marriage until the summer of 1995.  I am in my second marriage now, to a wonderful man.  He has helped me raise my children for the last several years. He has always wanted his own child, but told me it did not matter that I couldn't have another, that he loved me enough to accept never having his own, and that he would just accept mine as if they were his own.  So that was the way it was.  That is until last August.

After a little morning sickness and heaviness in my breasts, I finally decided to take a pregnancy test, thinking at the same time that it must just be something wrong, and I was wasting my time. It came out positive.  After staring at it about twenty minutes while the doctor's words rang in my head, I woke my husband up.  So elated I couldn't even talk!  The poor man laying there half asleep, trying to figure out why I was waiving this stick in his face.  Needless to say, he was so excited, but I couldn't even tell anyone.  He had to do it for both of us.

I scheduled an appointment two days later with my ob/gyn.  I remember telling the appointment girl that I had to be seen immediately, because I was told that tube was damaged and had a previous ectopic.  She initially scheduled it for two weeks later.  I really don't know why, but I called back the next morning and asked to talk to my doctor, who was upset about how I was scheduled.  He said that with a previous ectopic pregnancy, that it was very important to see him right away.  Frank and I went in together to our appointment and went through the normal routine, met with the nurse, got out new baby welcome package (the one with formula info, baby things, samples and coupons), then saw the doctor.  I had blood drawn and was told that I would have an ultrasound done that day and weekly until they were sure this baby was in the uterus.

I was real early during this time, only a few weeks along, but because my periods range about 42 days apart, there was no way to know for sure how far along I was.  The next several appointments were the same old thing, my blood levels were rising normally (according to the levels first taken, I was about 5 weeks along) and nothing showing on ultrasound, not abnormal so soon.  Two weeks later, my hcg level had risen to about 11 weeks, and an ultasound finally showed a fetus, in the left tube this time.

My doctor was wonderful, I sat crying across the desk from him.  He made me call my husband, and he explained everything to him.  I was scheduled and had surgery three hours later. I remember I would not let the nurses do anything with my IV in the hospital, until I saw my doctor again.  I made him promise to try to save my tube, if it wasn't too damaged.  He promised.  My surgery went well, and he was able to save my tube.  He also said it didn't look too bad, and he felt that after a couple months to heal, that I could conceive again.

I had to have follow-up visits to make sure that my hcg level was dropping. If any tissue is left behind, it can grow in the tube and eventually bust it, even if there is no viable fetus left behind. My hcg level dropped to almost nothing after the surgery, then all of a sudden, it started to rise.  My doctor sent me to the hospital to pick up methotrexate and meet him at his office to have it injected.  I had to go back every few days and have an hcg test to make sure it was dropping, and it did.  I don't know what I would have done. If it wasn't for my doctor-he was so supportive through all of this. He was even very supportive of my husband, that really made a difference. He even had a fit, when he found out that I was on the maternity floor after my surgery, he had me moved right away.

I was given the choice that day, I could have had the methotrexate, instead of the surgery.  Somehow I just couldn't do it, surgery is always risky, but I couldn't bring myself to be the one to as my doctor put it, inject the drug and stop the heartbeat. That was just a personal choice though.  Anyways, after months of healing now, I am ok, Frank is not, I don't think he will ever get over it completely. I pray everyday that I will be gifted with another pregnancy, a normal one, I hope it would help Frank to accept what happened and help him heal.

I will never quit trying to give Frank the ultimate proof of my love, even if my chances of another ectopic are higher.  I don't think I have felt a hurt as deep as this.  I think its because not only was I hurt, but the total devastation I saw in his face the day of my surgery was like nothing I have ever seen before.  He is just now coming out of the deep depression that this put him into.  Me too, for that matter.

I just want to say to all the women, and men too, who have suffered through this, that my prayers are with you, I have walked in your footsteps, stumbled over the same stones, but as I have, I pray that you will pick yourself up and continue on, you never know when your dreams will be fulfilled, it could be as soon as tomorrow!  Thank you for sharing your stories, and thank you for listening to mine!

If anyone wishes to talk, feel free to e-mail me facierno@aol.com